Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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