I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
