her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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