Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
