and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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