LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
