Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
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I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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