you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
