she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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