i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Randomize
