You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I want a musical about memes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
