we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
