i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
