Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
