btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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