Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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