don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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