I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
