I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
