Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
