Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
