Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
