How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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