even my farts smell like vagina
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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