my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
