Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
