ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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