you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
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My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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