Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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