Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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