So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
