I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
