You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think i have two assholes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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