I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
i think my cat just said my name.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
