i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
