I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
