It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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