An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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