Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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