oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
