He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
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