I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
