True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am naked and annoyed.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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