My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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