i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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