I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
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He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
Just general bites
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Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.