Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.

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  (214): Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake. http://tfl.nu/8hx0
  Replies (17) Good night (1211) Bad night (3871)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?

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  (612): Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife? http://tfl.nu/rjpj
  Replies (34) Good night (2107) Bad night (8396)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."

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  (801): What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director." http://tfl.nu/kql1
  Replies (7) Good night (952) Bad night (3878)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.

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  (508): he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him. http://tfl.nu/d83n
  Replies (4) Good night (1895) Bad night (911)
• Favorite

  (425): View more from Washington

  Wanna skype?

  (1-425): View more from Washington

  Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.

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  (425): Wanna skype? (1-425): Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no. http://tfl.nu/gc87
  Replies (7) Good night (2442) Bad night (919)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.

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  (917): bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was. http://tfl.nu/th2f
  Replies (3) Good night (2257) Bad night (517)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.

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  (646): My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole. http://tfl.nu/klnl
  Replies (11) Good night (564) Bad night (1384)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.

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  (306): Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians. http://tfl.nu/ykxr
  Replies (8) Good night (1244) Bad night (537)
• Favorite

  (815): View more from Illinois

  High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...

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  (815): High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes... http://tfl.nu/ssal
  Replies (5) Good night (1446) Bad night (538)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday

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  (215): trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday http://tfl.nu/9goc
  Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (621)
• Favorite

  (226): View more from Ontario

  You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"

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  (226): You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!" http://tfl.nu/6320
  Replies (1) Good night (749) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.

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  (208): The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med. http://tfl.nu/j1ow
  Replies (1) Good night (697) Bad night (322)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting

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  (303): Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting http://tfl.nu/here
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?

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  (519): Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay? http://tfl.nu/v6m9
  Replies (5) Good night (811) Bad night (340)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving

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  (562): I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving http://tfl.nu/yknu
  Replies (1) Good night (766) Bad night (264)

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