I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
organizing the empties. That sober.
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Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home