Me too!
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We got so high we made milksteak
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's not a foreskin expert like you
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
