I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
