I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
