and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
