our cab driver is having phone sex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
