she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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