6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize