If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
